From My Abusive Mother to White Supremacy’s Violence: There is Danger in Premature Forgiveness The Body Is Not An Apology
(Content note: This article contains descriptions of anti-Black white terrorism, including a racist slur.) When my mother was stalking me, she had a man assisting her in her efforts. Prior to me getting a restraining order against her, he called several times saying, “You need to forgive your mother.” My mother has never admitted any brutality or abuse against me. She has never apologized or acknowledged wrongdoing, never made any amends for her spiritual, emotional, physical, sexual and financial abuse towards me. But I was the one who needed to forgive. For many years I gave premature forgiveness to maintain the illusion of having a relationship with her. I mastered the art of the spiritual bypass . I twisted myself to conform to her abusive ways. I swallowed my fear, terror and rage with a smile, because I believed doing so would make me righteous and gain favor with God. I forgave and forgave again. It wasn’t until I let go of religion and got angry that I truly started to li...